Form FOlLoWS FUNCTION!*

It's an overcast afternoon and I am happily done with my workout for the day. Since I last posted, I have officially finished my 90 day Turbo Fire challenge and become a BEACHBODY COACH!!! I can't tell you how happy I am, and what kind of people I know surround myself with. There is something very valuable I have learned from this experience, not just in fitness, but in life.

Form follows function. Sure, we all learned that in science class forever ago, but I don't think many have ever applied this concept to their life. Think about it.

In health and fitness, there are many functions that must be in place before we'll achieve the "form" that we want. Eating healthy, doing our workouts, being consistent.... it's like a personal evolution, and it won't happen over night. But once you get the function down of doing what you need to do, and keep at it, form will soon follow to support that function. We change, we grow, we become stronger.

In love, you act in ways that are passionate. You offer your support, your affection, and your participation… and from it you reap the form of a strong, passionate relationship.

The same applies for goals, business, friendships, the works. Some call it "faking it until you make it" but honestly, if it involves effort and action towards a desired outcome, it can't possibly be faking. So I ask you this… what in your life are you wishing for that you aren't achieving? Are you being what you want to attract? Is your function in line with the form you are seeking to have?

"A dream becomes a goal when action is taken toward it's achievement."

 

Turbo Fire Fit Girl Glamour vs Michalin Girl Safety*

I must say I have a new addiction. I love it. It makes me feel amazing. I am scared.

I know I know, it sounds ridiculous right? What's so scary about looking refreshed, sexy, beautiful, and vibrant?

Oh if it was only that simple. There's something that happens whenever I get good momentum going and am really enjoying what I'm doing. I have been a dancer and an athlete all my life. My childhood treats were strawberries and watermelon spears so the healthy lifestyle just feels like home. But there is a monster under the bed. A monster waiting to bite off my toes and scare me right back into my chipotle burrito, mcdonald hamburger, taco bell taco bed of hiding.

Over the years, numerous bad experiences that I associate with my physical appearance have taught me that it's safer to be the Michalin Man than it is to be Barbie. Friends start hating you and saying horrible things behind your back. Your boyfriend's friends start hitting on you the first second his back is turned. Girls think you are a terrible jerk, and guys think you are nothing but a piece of ... well... you know. Worst of all, you are put in positions as a kid that you are not ready for. You have no voice. You have value. You are either a threat or a prize. You are alone.

Rationally I understand that my jaded view of fitness and beauty is severely off kilter. But I cannot help it. If there is anything that I have learned, it's that being beautiful is more of a curse than a blessing... at least when you don't have the confidence to use it. Thinking of being at my goal weight is terrifying. When I am just the fat girl with the pretty face, I am not a threat. My friends don't feel threatened because I'm fat. Guys don't hit on me because I'm super sweet and super cute, but sex couldn't be further from their mind. Fat = safe.

I "know" these things because I have been there. But I have been there because I don't have the tools to deal with people in a way that saves face and doesn't put myself in a bad position. The truth is, I learned a long time ago that I don't have a right to say no.

Fat Girl Rationale....

- If I am in good shape, it will make my heavier friends feel bad about themselves. It's better to just fit in.

- If I take care of myself on the outside, the outside will be all that I am defined by.

- If I look pretty, people will only be focused on how I look instead of how smart, kind, compassionate, or funny I am.

- Guys make unwelcome advances that I don't know how to deal with when I am thinner and take care of my appearance. I don't feel that I can say no. I know how bad rejection hurts, and I don't want to hurt anyone.

- People I love have taken advantage of me and used my physical appearance as a reason to do the things they have done. If I am less attractive, I will not be put in positions that compromise myself or someone else.

- Beauty is a tool used to make other people feel bad about themselves, whether it be through jealousy, hurt, rejection, or otherwise. I don't want to hurt people.

Let's be clear. I know that these thoughts are unhealthy. These are the thoughts that cause the self sabotage that compromises my success. I idolize strong, beautiful women that can look amazing and still be smart, courageous, giving, and kind. Why can't I find the confidence in the fact that I could do the same? Why am I able to find strength and security in being overweight and unhealthy when I have been hardwired for the opposite? Why can I find the strength to work a 60 hour week as a store manager in a man's world on top of full time college pulling a 4.0 as a biology major, philosophy minor, but I can't find the confidence to ditch negative/insecure friends and fend off unwanted advances from men?

I care. I care so much it makes my heart hurt. I want everyone to feel good about themselves around me. I want to inspire. I want to spread kindness and confidence and root on everyone around me. I want to love and support and cheer on.... I want the best for everyone...

... everyone but me. Why? How did I get here? How can I be exploding with love and kindness and consideration and care for everyone around me BUT myself? It is so frustrating. Why am I not worth the same to myself as a stranger is worth?

I love my Turbo Fire. I love my new group of fitness friends. I just hope that this time, I can work through it all and finally slay the monster under the bed. Not just for me, but for my family, friends, and those I haven't met yet. I want to make a difference... it starts with me. Only the test of time will determine if I have the strength....

...must be the puppy chow...

Lucky Little Cricket*

Exactly 31 Days until Virgina. Current weight is 189 lbs... one month countdown is on...

Today I decided I needed a little uplifting treat so I decided to stop by the Coach store in Flat Iron Crossing and pick up this nice little friend and some delicious perfume...

I have to admit I'm lacking motivation in all things except shopping for, thinking of, and drooling over vacation. My weight has fluctuated but stayied on the heavy side the past few years so I have been thinking... What was the only thing that helped me and kept it down?

Well besides playing sports (which allowed me to stay hot and slender and eat anything I wanted) the only thing that ever truly helped is a trainer. Not just any trainer... Jerry.

Our first workout is tonight... he always manages to work miracles on me. Let's see what he can do this time ;)

I will be updating with before pictures and after pictures here soon... stay tuned ;)

... must be the lucky little cricket...

The Virginia Wedding...*

Today is August 2nd. We leave for Virginia September 17th. Let's see what I can do :)

Hey everyone! This blog is one that you'd have to do a little looking to find as I haven't posted this one on my facebook as a link for you to get here. But if you are reading this and know me well, then you know that weight has been an issue for the last five years. Before that time, being active in athletics, dance, and all around hyper activity kept me fit, trim, and eating anything I wanted. Ahhhh... those were the days.

Now I definitely do not have that luxury. But what I do have is an almost sixty extra pounds on a 5'2" frame. I'm lucky... I've always weighed more than I looked like I did due to all the extra muscle from dance and hockey and volleyball. But I can tell you, the weight isn't as scary as the measurements (which I will try to post later). As of today, I'm a hefty 190 lbs. No, its not cute. Its not fun. And still being somewhat athletic (running, lifting and the like) it's frustrating. Seemingly great looking clothes always end up looking well... rolly. Shapewear is a good friend for those nights I want to gussy up, but even then, there's shar pei back rolls lurking just behind me (literally).

Over the past five years my weight has gone up and down, with the most success just coming from genuine hard work and excercise in the form of running and my personal trainer (who I haven't seen in about three years :( ) Jerry. I currently belong to a gym that I absolutely hate and pay for each month but never attend. It's one of those gyms that don't have a lot of real weights (I like extremes) but a lot of those sissy cardio circuit crap. Don't get me wrong, I know many people that love those systems, but for me, traditional iron pumping has always been much much more pleasant. Running is a recent discovery of love that I never thought I'd be doing. And even that I haven't done in a month.

This September we have some awesome friends that are getting married all the way in Virginia. We plan on attending this wedding and doing some vacationing in Washington D.C. I picked out the cutest dress, the cutest shoes, and gorgeous accessories... but I just know the shar pei rolls and the spare tire are waiting to make any possible effort at looking elegant, well, futile. I need to get my ass in gear... but how? Lack of motivation and severe tiredness and stress are huge road blocks. I have been taking Herbalife off and on.. which seems to work very well... when I actually do it. I'm a man, er, girl :) without a plan... so to speak. As of today, Virginia is 46 days out.

Time to find the goods and get in the game. And already I can hear the watermelon pucker, chipotle burritos, and microwaveable pancakes calling....Here little tubby tubby tubby...

::sigh:: This is going to be harder than I thought.

... must be the puppy chow...